Lonesome Scars
by Discontinutity
Summary: Arthur has suffered from serve monophobia all his life, and when his trusted companion Alfred suddenly vanished his whole world is thrown upside down as he learns to cope by himself.
1. Prologue

Being alone was the most terrifying thing you could experience. For someone like me anyways. Its different though. You try and stay away from people so much because you don't want to become attached, because when you become attached they grow annoyed and when they grow annoyed they leave and then your alone again and nothing hurts more then that abandonment. Eventually it comes to a point where you can hardly handle being away from them. Your so dependent on this one person for comfort and protection that when your away from them you can hardly think straight. It physically hurts to be away from that one person. Hurt to the point that your gut aches and your not sure what else you can do but curl up and _pray _that they'll come back to you. But your faced with that uncertainty. That what if. What if they don't come back? What if they abandon you like all the ones before. The more you stay with that one person the more attached you become. They hard it is to function without them. You have so many means of contact. What with facebook now, and phones where you can call or text, or being with that person, yet you just don't. You see them come online and you shrink into a corner of uncertainty. You don't want to bother them because you don't want them to leave but you don't want to not talk to them because that feeling of loneliness creeps up on you and you just cant escape it. And it clots your mind and your emotions and it makes everything blurry and hard to understand. It can come to a point where if that one person you rely so heavily on isn't with you all you can do it sit in a corner and cradle something that they gave you and just wait for them to come back even though in your mind your so certain that they wont. Sometimes it's even hard to sleep. You just don't feel right, being completely and utterly helpless where anything can happen to you if they're not there to protect you. You start to rely on them for everything. They become your protector and your care taker and you just don't know what you would do without them.

So what would happen if they left? What would happen if they did abandon you like all the rest? You, just don't get over something like that. Its hard to lose someone. I can tell you that from experience. But when there gone what do you do? No one ever told me this. No one ever told me who to handle it and know he's gone and I'm so scared and I don't know what to do anymore. He's gone. He just left and I don't know what to do. It feels like everything outs to get my and I'm scared and panicky and nervous and I don't know what to do. Everything is scary and dark and I haven't left the apartment in days and I'm so terrified that something is going to come in here or I'm going to have to go out and and face people and things that I've never liked in the first place I mean just how do people cope on there own?! How do they function without someone they trust so completely to keep them safe and out of harms way. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to have to go out soon. The fridge is almost empty and I'm going to need food, but... I'll be all alone. I'll have to take care of myself. I... I don't know if I can do that...


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_The day had come. I was down to half a carton of milk and two oranges. I had to go out. I had to face the terrors of the outside and I had to do it without the one person I trusted the most. I'd say terrified is an understatement. I haven't even left the house yet and my body is shaking so bad I can barely stand. I can't put is off anymore. I'm hungry the cats are hungry. I have to do it._

Those were the cluttered thoughts of Arthur Kirkland as he paced back and forth in his empty apartment. Empty in a lack of people and a lack of food. Physically the lack of food was more pressing. Even Arthur's two cats, King, a orange and white Scottish fold and A, (short for Amazing, but Alfred did name the cat so what to you expect?), a gray and white American long hair, were voicing their complaints at the lack of food in their bowls. Emotionally the lack of people, or of Alfred was worse then any hunger pains could ever be.

His kitties though thought otherwise and they let out another cry for food that wasn't there. Arthur knew he had to go out. He didn't want to however and so he found something to stall time. He first took the two oranges and pilled and cut them for his cats. A took to it right away but King took a bit of coxing. With the cats full Arthur did the dishes, something he had been putting off.

Since Alfred had been gone Arthur had sort of let the apartment go to the way side. The floor was left vacuumed, clothes and cat toys littered the ground and the kitchen needed a clean. So he busied himself with that and moved himself about his apartment with a deliberate slowness. He picked up clothes piece by piece and carried them into the room with the two big bed to drop them into the hamper. Once he finished that task he started to pick up each cat toy and put them in the plush bed in the corner, before he took out the vacuum cleaner and slowly vacuumed the floor. He took his time and when he finally finished he turned his attention to the kitchen and slowly scrubbed every inch of it.

All to soon Arthur had nothing to do. Now he had to go out. It was easier when he was busy. It was easier when he had something to do, when he didn't have to think, when he didn't have something to do he would think and that was the worst possible thing he could do. When he though of the things he didn't want to remember came back. Like the biggest, the most prominent, Alfred. Alfred his loud, lovable, hyper companion, Alfred who he had fell in love with and who he had come to trust more then anyone else in the world. Alfred who had vanished from his life in a blink of an eye.

_Years ago Arthur had been alone and scared, hidden within a clearing in a forest not far from the school yard. He had his knees pulled to his chest and was clutching a raggedy green stuffed bunny in his arms. Two even streams of tears ran down the boys face. It was Arthur's first day of school and he was terrified. He'd never been without his mother and he didn't know what to do, but he didn't want to be around the other children since they were all strangers to him. He was terrified of even being near people without his mother._

_Arthur spent most of the day alone there trying to muffle his tears and praying his mother would find him soon and take him home to the safety of his home. A young boy, with a similar hairstyle as Arthur stumbled upon him. The boy had sky blue eyes and a cowlick that stuck nearly straight off of his head. He peered down at Arthur behind thick rimmed glasses with a concerned look clouding his eyes. _

"_Hey! Why are you crying?" An American accent floated into Arthur's ears._

"_I'm all alone." Arthur spoke slowly, trying to make his words clear despite his crying._

"_Well then why don't you go out and play with the other kids?" The boy asked._

"_You wouldn't understand." Arthur told him softly._

"_Well then why don't you come play with me?" The standing boy asked. "I'm Alfred!" _

_Arthur looked up at the boy in shock. No one ever wanted to be his friend. No one ever came to him and asked him specifically to go and be with them. He was always the boy that hid. Always the boy that was frightened and didn't want anything to do with anyone. It made people think he was unsociable or irritable and so no one would come near the poor boy. So to have someone so willing to reach out, so willing to stay with him and wanting him to play. It was shocking to Arthur who was so terrified of being alone. It's almost seemed to good to be true to the boy. _

"_Im Arthur." he finally said wiping his eyes on his sleeve. _

_Alfred grinned and held out his hand to Arthur, who after a moments hesitation reached out to take it._

Arthur was startled out of his memories by a sudden weight on his lap. A sat there, looking up at him with sad blue eyes. Arthur sighed. The cat had always reminded him of Alfred and he was glad Alfred had left him behind when he left. Arthur raised his hands one going to wipe his eyes the other moving to stroke the cats head.

"I've got to go out." Arthur told the cat on his lap, "We need food, but.. but I haven't been outside without him in years."

He sighed again and set the cat on the floor before standing. Arthur moved slowly to the phone and picked it up. He knew he wouldn't be able to go out on his own just yet, but if he didn't go shopping his cats would starve. Arthur looked at the phone in his hands and just as slowly as he picked it up he dialed the number and brought the ringing phone to his ear.

"'ello?" A soft voice sounded from the other end of the line.

"Mathew? It's Arthur." He said nervously.

"Arthur!" Mathew exclaimed as loudly as he naturally soft voice would allow him to.

"Y-ya, I need some help... You see Alfred left and um... Could you take me to the store..?" He asked slowly his voice shaking with every word.

"Left?" Mathew asked just as shocked as before, "Without a word just left?"

"He.. He just left." Arthur mumbled softly.

"I'm coming to get you, I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Mathew said suddenly.

"No Mattie-" Arthur started only to be cut off by his brother.

"I don't care what you have to say Arthur you cannot be living on your own. Now I'm coming to get you and the cats and you will stay with me and Kiku for as long as I think you need to." Mathew said before hanging up the phone.

Arthur, it seemed would have no choice. Fifteen minutes. He sighed again and picked up king who was at his feet. He carried the orange and white kitty over to the carrier and placed him inside the smaller of the two. Arthur bent down and picked up the stuffed scone he had made to put into King's carrier before patting the cat on the head and shutting the door. When he went to get A he found that the cat had already claimed his hamburger stuffed plush and was curled up in a ball in his carrier. Arthur gave a tiny chuckle and patted the cats he before shutting the door. He headed into his room and pulled out his large black bag which had been used all over once, when Alfred had forced him out on a beach trip. He looked around and slowly started to pack up clean clothes. He didn't know how long his brother would keep him hostage in his house but he packed the majority of his clean clothes just encase.

Fifteen minutes on the dot there was a rattle at the door as Mathew let himself in. Arthur sucked in a deep breath and promptly began to panic.


End file.
